Friday, August 11, 2006

It Only Hurts When I Breathe...

Shit…I threw my back out the other night and the pain is getting worse. I wish I could say it happened while trying out a new position from the Kama Sutra, but then I'd be lying…or fantasizing…possibly even praying :-) Truth be told, it had something to do with water, a tub and a malfunctioning mug (aka toilet bowl). Hurts like a bitch…but there's not much can be done, short of going to the doctor (and waiting in an excruciatingly uncomfortable chair for an hour or two) and have him prescribe something that will knock me out. I prefer suffering to drugs…I think I heard somewhere that it builds character.

Of course, I'm doing stuff I probably shouldn't be doing…like walking up and down stairs, driving a standard shift sports car, sitting in Starbucks in a squishy chair, etc.

Speaking of Starbucks, that is where I am right now. Writing this, sipping my espresso, and leering at the women…hey, that's what dirty old men do, right?

Anyway, there's a woman sitting about four feet from me. Her back is facing me. She's wearing those low cut jeans that almost expose the butt cheeks, a short tank top, and a thong. It's one of those thongs that stick out above the top of the jeans and lead your eye downwards…smack dab to the crack of her you know what. Now, normally, I'd be overjoyed at a sight like that. But, in this case, the woman is a good fifty pounds overweight and the stretch marks on her ass are competing with the anti-collision green thong. She keeps leaning forward…exposing more crack and more stretch marks. Yuck.

I'd change my seat, except for the pain that would ensue…and the fact that a couple of svelte-looking babes just sat down at a table in front of me. So…I must remain where I am…for medicinal purposes. Hey, gotta' have something to take my mind off the pain. Of course, I could always surf over to and read about the teenager who was arrested after police found his mother's body stuffed in the freezer. Guess which alternative I'm gonna' pick?

Badaboom Bada … ouch … Bing!

1 comment:

Duke_of_Earle said...


Sorry about the pain, but thanks for the laughs! Great post!