Pretty in Pink?

This is coming to you live…well almost live...from my local Starbucks. I say 'almost' because it's taking me more time to write about the scene than it took for the scene to happen in the first place.

I'm sitting in Starbucks as I write this...having my usual double espresso, reading my favorite blogs, and leering discreetly glancing at the pretty women...when...out of the corner of my eye...I glimpse an ass dressed in a pink mini-mini skirt wiggling about two feet away from me. Yes, wiggling. Wiggling like in "Hey sailor, lookin' for a good time?" kind of wiggling. Wiggling like when hookers wiggle their ass on the street corner…that kind of wiggling.

What can I say, I have to stop and look, right? I mean I have no choice anyway since it's a reflex reaction, right?

Okay, so I look.

Oh my gawwwd!

It's a pink mini-mini skirt all right, and it barely covers the butt cheeks. My eyes float upward…a white sports bra top, about two sizes too small. My eyes drift downward…pink flip flops decorated with fluffy pink flowers. The toes were painted…you guessed it…pink. The oversized purse was slung over a shoulder and was, of course, also pink. And did I mention the pink headband.

And the wiggling ass…well, it was still wiggling, and now only about a foot from where I'm sitting.

Now that I've got you all hot and bothered you're probably wondering about the rest of the body, right?

Okay, let's start with the legs and work our way up. The legs are long and slender with just a hint of muscular definition.

And hairy. Yes, I said hairy. Hairy as in more hair than I had on my legs when I was twenty. Hairy as in manly hairy.

The tummy. It's not flat. It's a beer belly. A hairy beer belly. A hairy beer belly with an 'outie' belly button. A very outie 'outie'…a 3/4-inch outie.

Have you guessed it yet?

No?

Let me get you off the hook.

It's a friggin' man wearing that outfit. I kid you not. A man. Well, I'm 99.99% it's a man, but I'm sure as hell not going to check under the skirt to see if he's got a quarter pounder.

Oh yeah. I forgot. He's wearing these little crushed velvet bracelets too. You already know the color.

I guess one could say he's really 'out' there. (get it?)

So, let me repeat…Oh my gawwwwd!

This is true...every pinkin' word of it. Now I'm gettin' the hell out of here before he thinks I'm interested.


Badaboom Badabing...