Friday, November 30, 2007

If You're Under 17, Stay Away Unless...

I'm still playing around, doing meaningless things, so I resubmitted the blog to that rating site and got an R rating...which I think is much more moi (that means 'me' in case you're not a francophile).

This Blog is Rated R

This time because I used the word crack six times.

I wonder what would happen if I used jugs, hooters, headlights, cheeks, boobs, breasts, cha cha's, and rack?

Yeah, yeah...I know already...I am a dirty old if you're under 17 you can't visit my blog unless you're accompanied by your crack whore mama who's got a nice set of headlights and is showing her ass crack.

Badaboom Badabing...

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Thursday, November 29, 2007

This Blog Is Rated PG

That's right...parental guidance is recommended...I guess because my posts are so risque. Yeah, right!!

Anyway, I was bored yesterday, so instead of working on my novel or doing something meaningful, I went over to this rating site, submitted my site, and it came back with a PG rating. The reason? Because I used the word crack one time, somewhere.

I guess it's a good thing that smoke crack, butt crack, ass crack, or crack whore wasn't found.

So now I'm going to be sporting this cute little rating notice somewhere over on the right side of the soon as I have the time to size the graphic properly.

This Blog is Rated PG

Badaboom Badabing...

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Monday, November 26, 2007

I Like My Cigar Too, But...

I don't know why I've been percolating up memories of old 50's shows lately, but after writing the Ozzie & Harriet post a few days ago I was thinking about the "You Bet Your Life Show" with Groucho Marx. There was supposedly an infamous episode, that I didn't see, that went something like the following:

Groucho: "Well hello there sir, and what is your name?"
Guest: "Haylo Meester Groucho. My name ees Gonsalez Gonsalez."
Groucho: "And where are you from Mr. Gonsalez?"
Guest: "I am from Guadalooopay Mayheeco, Meester Groucho."
Groucho: "Mayheeco, huh? Is that anywhere near Mexico?"
Guest: "Oh, si, Meester Groucho."
Groucho: "Are you married, have any kids?"
Guest: "Oh, si, Meester Groucho. I am hapeely married and have 15 woonderful cheeldrens."
Groucho (eyebrows raised): "Fifteen children? How do you explain so many children Mr. Gonsalez?"
Guest: "Well, Meester Groucho, I luff my wife Rosalita very mooch."
Groucho (taking cigar from his mouth): "Well, I love my cigar too…but I take it out once in a while."

I have heard from many sources that this actually got him kicked off the air…but, that's probably myth since tv was so heavily edited back then. In any case, those of you of my vintage might be able to imagining him doing a little skit like that, raising his eyebrows, making those facial expressions, etc.

Even though I was only a kid I loved his sense of humor. Some famous Groucho quotes:

  • A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

  • Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

  • From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

  • I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

  • I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

  • I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

  • I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

  • I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

  • Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

  • One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I don't know.

  • Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

Badaboom Badabing...

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Friday, November 23, 2007

White Meat or Dark?

My friend Duke of Earle posted a turkey picture the other day, so I thought I'd share mine.

Hmmm...wonder which would be better, white meat or dark?

All right all ready...what can I say...I'm just a dirty old man.

Badaboom Badabing...

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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Been A Traveling Man...

"I'm a traveling man…made a lot of stops…all over the world…but in every port I've owned the heart of at least one lovely girl…"

I don't know why, but the words to that old Ricky Nelson song just popped into my mind this morning…I guess because I've been traveling every friggin' week for the last two months...and haven't had any time to tend to the blog or to visit my usual ones.

As I write this post some more Ozzie & Harriet memories are bubbling up from my subconscious:

"Hi dad."
"Hi dad."
"Hi Dave. Hi Rick."
"Hi Mr. Nelson."
"Oh, hi Wally."
"Hi boys."
"Hi mom."
"Hi Dave. Hi Rick. Gee, you boys are home early."
"Hi Mrs. Nelson."
"Hi Wally."
"Gee mom, I sure am hungry."
"Well, why don't you boys have a seat while I go get some milk and cookies."
"Gee, thanks Mrs. Nelson, that would be swell."
"Oh, you're welcome Wally."

"Uh, gee Rick, you look like you've got something on your mind."
"Oh, it's nothing dad...I guess"
"Go ahead Rick, just tell Dad."
"Uh, uh…what is it Rick?"
"Well, gee, dad…it's Ginger."
"Ginger? Gee I hope she's okay, Rick. She's a swell girl."
"You can say that again, Mr. Nelson."
"Be quiet Wally."
"Yeah, be quiet Wally."
"Sorry Dave. Sorry Rick."
"Gee dad…uh, you see…uh, Ginger is pregnant."
"Well, uh that's all … Harriet, Harriet … can you come in here for a sec…"

Okay, okay…so I made some of that up...but it might bring back some memories to those who are of my generation.

Badaboom Badabing....

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Friday, November 09, 2007

The Camera Never Lies...Unlike Some People

It's Friday...I'm in Pittsburgh...I had to go to the ER for an eye infection last's's I think a bit of levity is appropriate.

Badaboom Badabing...

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