Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Badaboom Badabing...Get Some Of Those Friggin' Earphone Things

I am sitting in the airport waiting to board my delayed flight.

I am coming down with a cold, the flu, the dreaded lamumba disease...one of those for sure...and I have to give a one hour speech tomorrow...in front of a few hundred people.

I guess if my voice gives out I can always entertain them with hand shadows.

I am not in a good mood...and it just got worse.

Some jamoke is sitting across from me playing rap music on his laptop...loud rap music...shitty rap music...inappropriate rap music. Yep, he's playing it through his laptop's speakers. Everyone is rolling their eyes while he is dancing in his chair.

It's hard to hear the passenger announcements he's got it turned up so loud.

Hasn't he heard of earphones???

Oh shit, now his cell phone rings.

"Haya baby...wazzup?" he yells into the phone.
"Where you at?"
"I be here at da airport. Where you be baby?"

I won't bore you with the rest of the conversation.

So, how do I know what his 'baby' said? Because he's got the god damned cell phone speaker turned on...I friggin' kid you not.

Oh no, I don't believe it...now he's turning the @#$(%#)@@) volume up on his laptop...

"Hey baby, let me turn dis up so's you can hear."

In all my travels I've never seen this happen before.

Thank God, they're calling my flight...I just hope to hell he's not on it!!

Badaboom Badabing...

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Thursday, February 21, 2008

I Hate It When...

I hate it when software is poorly designed. I also hate it when the people assigned to help you fix the problem resulting from the poor design have an attitude.

On Monday I left for my trip to Chicago, which is where I am right now. I got to the airport and checked the flight status board. Flights were running at least an hour behind schedule. When I checked-in at the kiosk I was offered the choice to change to an earlier flight, so I decided to do that.

Now, in the past, when I've been offered a choice to change to another flight, to upgrade, or to change my seat assignments, I've been asked to confirm everything before the change is actually made. This is an important feature to me, because if I'm currently booked in an aisle seat (which I prefer), for example, and I'm given the choice of an upgrade or a seat closer to the front of the plane which is a middle or window seat, I will be able to decline the change and keep my original reservation details intact.

Well...some dumbass programmer must have changed the program. (Now, I can say "dumbass programmer" because I once was a programmer...a smartass one, though.) Anyway, before I knew it I was switched to an earlier flight and assigned a middle seat in the rear section of the aircraft. I was going to decline the flight change because of the seat assignment. I had paid $60 more for my original flight so that I could have an aisle seat and more leg room. But...I was never given a chance to confirm...or to have my $60 refunded. The kiosk just spit out my new boarding pass.

I went to a ticket agent and began explaining my problem. The arrogant little dickhead wouldn't let me finish, claiming that what I had described was impossible. I calmly explained again what had happened...I explained three additional times...and he interrupted me three additional times...and gave me a your crazy or an imbecile, or both look. I was getting really pissed, but remained calm and polite. I asked him to look up my reservation. He made a face but did what I asked.

"You are on flight 623, seat 32E."

"Right. The program switched me to that flight and seat. My original reservation was on flight 625, seat 7C."

"That's impossible," he said, shaking his head. "I'd see a record if that were true."

He tapped on his keyboard...he tapped on about 100 keys...then hit some with his elbow...you know that stuff that ticket agents do. (You'd think somebody would design the system so one could enter a date, a flight number and last name, or a confirmation number, hit enter and get a result...but I stray.) Anyway, while doing his little keyboard dance he was alternating between making faces at the video display and me.

He once again concludes that what I have described is impossible. Finally, he asks, in a challenging tone of voice, whether I have any paperwork on the original reservation.

"No, but..." The dickhead smirks and interrupts me, shaking his head.

At this point I want to punch his lights out, but I am always courteous to ticket agents and gate agents since they can make your day...or make your day hell.

"No," I repeat, this time my tone of voice just daring him to interrupt, "but I can boot up my laptop and show you the email confirmation for the original reservation."

So I do.

And yes, I am correct.

"Here ya' go," I said as I handed him the laptop.

He gives me another smirk, does a polka on his keyboard, and a few seconds later he hands me a boarding pass...for flight 625, seat 7C, my original confirmation number. He actually turned away from me while handing me the boarding pass, and refused to make eye contact.

Friggin' dickhead.

"Thank you," I said, "for making the impossible possible."

Friggin' double dickhead.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Two Italian Men Get On A Bus...

My sister sent me this and I couldn't resist posting it.

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa
tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."

Badaboom Badabing...